FROM AIDS STORY
February 14, 1997
2140 S. Reservoir St.
Pomona, CA 91766
Dear Mr. Robey,
Tom Lightwater here! Sorry about the delay in getting this letter to you, but believe me--time has become a very compressed thing around here, recently. The speed with which things are moving these days are incredible, as if I am riding a horse at a full gallop... direction and control is there, but that doesn't mean it's not frightening in a very exciting adrenaline-pumping way!
I was infected with HIV through a forced infection in 1991. I tested positive for the HIV antibody November 18, 1991; of course, the same day as my birthday. From that day forward, my life became something totally beyond anything I could have expected. I experienced hatred, discrimination, fear, and pathetic examples of false sympathy from other people to compassion, assistance, caring, real help, love and friendship. I've held friends in my arms in the moment of their death, when no one else was there, and I've celebrated life, dancing naked around a fire with a couple hundred of my radical faerie friends. I have discovered that I am a truly good human being, worthy of all the best life has to offer. I even went so far as to allow love in; my partner Tim Limbacher (who is HIV-, by the way) and I have been together for four magical years so far. If I was to live to be one hundred, he'd still be at my side. Santa Fe, Nashville, Ashevelle, NC, Santa Ana, CA, Boone, NC, and a few points in-between have all been home for me, and each place, I met some pretty incredible people and, for better or worse, had incredible life-changing events... a lot of things which have helped me to become the happy being that I am today.
It has been rough, though. HIV has helped me so, so much. The experience has given me access to my own soul again, to a living, breathing relationship with Spirit; regardless, I have literally gone to hell for much of it... I think the particular smell hell can leave on a person (sham antically speaking) has only left a few months ago. I wouldn't ever want to return to that way of being, and I realize now that I never will have to--the memory is enough. It is time for me to allow myself to be happy for a change, and so I am, barring the occasional snit-fit.
From the beginning of my tenure with this disease, I looked around me to the other people I knew who were using the current HIV treatment of the time, and I decided there and then the treatments were just as bad as the disease, if not worse. There were a lot of people I know who I feel were "side effected" to death. I went to New Mexico and began an intense healing journey. Other than experiencing all the intense life things New Mexico is capable of inflicting upon a person, I began learning all I could about various systems and philosophies of medicine and healing. From Tai-Chi to herbs, I studied it. I began feeling healthier and healthier... and then I would get blood work done which would show a reality that the virus was actually marching along. This would always send me into an emotional tailspin, so eventually I just stopped seeing doctors, and I went on with my life.
The years passed (actually, only a couple). I had returned to Boone, my hometown, and met Tim. He and I decided to move out to New Mexico together, and so we landed back in Santa Fe. This time, things didn't go so well. We both ignored our intuition's voice to go to Taos to live... This was our greatest mistake. Santa Fe had become a very mean city in the time I had been gone, and the place just wasn't the same. So, we packed up and left in November... and PCP pneumonia was growing in my lungs, very slowly, but very steadily.
I had already settled on dying with this, so I kept my mouth shut and worked my job and spent all the time I could with Tim. He knew what was up, and he just allowed me to stick with any decision I wanted to. Then, there was a shift, and something inside me insisted that I go to the doctor. Sure enough, the problem was very easily taken care of, and I was out of the hospital in a matter of days, and I felt 1000% better than I had in months apparently it had been growing in there longer than I had thought. This was January '96, by the way. This return to health turned out to be short-lived, however. While I had plenty of good days, I was getting more and more bad days. There was more pain, fevers, fatigue, panting as if my body had been off doing a fast run without my mind knowing about it... things were obviously on a downhill curve. I was okay with that, though. I really did live three full lifetimes in the one provided me this time around... death was completely fine. Then, my happy little glass house shattered into itty-bitty pieces: The new HIV drug combination you've been hearing about in the news came out, and the most incredible things were happening to people!
Viruses were completely disappearing from people's bloodstream! These drugs would render the disease treatable, if not soon to be curable! Take these drugs, and you'll add years to your life, and incredible things will happen with your blood work! Besides, everybody who's anybody is already doing these drugs! Oh, Marvin, the propaganda was just too much. My T-Cell count was 10 (normal being 1000+) and I had a whopping 636,880 per cubic millimeter of blood. If I took the drugs and dealt with the severe side effects (which get better with treatment, as the propaganda machine told me) total miracles could happen for me. So I made the decision to go with the most potent of the newest drugs, Ritonovir. It had the most severe side effects, but surely I could deal.
The AZT, D4T, and Ritonovir left me on a couch for a month. Tim had to pick me up and carry me to the bathroom plenty of times. I can't tell you how miserable I was, but of course, I "stuck with it." I stuck with it to the point where my body got so toxified from both the drugs and the sheer mass of dead viral material that my immune system actually got suppressed even further. Then, guess what? VIA the tap water I was infected with MAC, and almost died... again.
MAC is right up there with Legionnaire's Disease, TB, and leprosy. Treatment is to use three atomic bomb antibiotics simultaneously until the virus develops resistance to the antibiotics or the body becomes intolerant to treatment. Both happened shortly after the treatment began. The 106 degree fevers began to return, the intense body pain, the harsh, long-lasting chills... again, I began to make my own immediate funeral arrangements...and then this voice popped into my head and told me to get the hell on colloidal silver RIGHT NOW! Sure enough, within a week I had begun to gain the weight I had lost back, and in two weeks, I had gone back to mountain climbing! Wow.
Then, I heard about a different protease inhibitor called Crixivan. This one was touted as being slightly less effective than Ritonovir, but it had virtually none of the severe insane side effects of Ritonovir, although it had its share. I wrestled with myself over this one. The message I was getting from the Universe and a lot of other sources was that these drugs were a step in the right direction for Western Medicine, but that they were still illusion! I wrestled with the "should I, shouldn't I" demon for a long time, and nearly drove myself over some sort of edge, until I just decided to take the damn drugs, only for the simple reason that I thought SOME decision, even if it turned out to be a "wrong" one was better than the stalemate I was in at that time. Sure enough, the side effects were a lot better; I got sick for a while, but nothing like the Ritonovir experience. I did feel...well, I call it "icky", but the reality of the situation was that I was taking a constant low dose of chemotherapy. Regardless, if the colloidal silver kept the MAC under control, and seeing how NOBODY else in any other system of medicine had come up with anything better I thought I was doing the best thing for myself. Marvin, I had written a series of articles dealing with HIV/AIDS which was printed in over 300 different New-Age rags worldwide. If a person had a treatment or cure for AIDS, they sent it to me. Not only is it a jungle out there, but there are plenty of people who seem to be selling outright scams and lies. Dr. Hulda Clark's books The Cure for AIDS, The Cure for Cancer, The Cure for All Diseases.... all three books got a lot of people hook, line, and sinker when they came out. From blue-green algae to hydrogen peroxide, I've seen it all. I know a lot of this stuff can do good for a body, but it was always sold as A CURE, and my anger gets riled up when I see a person begin one of these cures and die; so, please don't tell me about any cures for this disease you might've heard of, unless they can be backed up.
Anyway, I began this different combo with the colloidal silver, and then the incredible changes in my blood work happened. Viruses were already almost undetectable... and then MAC symptoms came back on. So I began another series of antibiotics. I began taking drugs to counter the side effects of drugs. Eventually I was on almost twelve different drugs, by the time you and I talked. Then, I began rejecting the antibiotics violently. Game over, nothing left to do. So, I stopped taking everything, except for the colloidal silver.
You know what? For two days, antibiotics began sloughing off my body through my skin. I did a high colonic on myself and two huge balls of yeast popped out. Everything that was wrong began correcting itself. My MAC symptoms went away... again, they aren't supposed to. Then I FELT THE BEST I HAD FELT IN MONTHS.... THE DRUGS THEMSELVES WERE KILLING ME!!!!! It is my opinion that these new drugs are complete scams, as well! Yes, they make blood tests look wonderful., but the viral load test was created for use with this new drug... of COURSE the blood work is going to look better! Maybe I'd better back off here, because there are some people who swear that these drugs really have improved their lives. That's fine for them... for me, they proved to be deadly, toxic and reason why MAC symptoms came back on. My trip with these drugs are over, unless they were to come up with a 100% cure. Nancy Reagan was right... just say no to drugs, especially these!
I still feel absolutely incredible. I have symptoms of nothing and I am back to my hyperactive self. This new dosing of silver seems to be taking care of my oral thrush problem and is keeping the MAC at bay... I'd like to think I could be cured of this disease... it's more dangerous to me than the HIV. I know you and others think that the silver might do it, and we'll see in a few months. There is a test using stool to see if this complex of bacteria is in the body. I hope you understand what I mean when I say that it really doesn't matter. I feel so good that, if I was to start getting sick again and move closer to death, I would be so thankful for this period of absolute health that it would be okay. I do not know how long I am to live, nor do I know how my death will come.
All I do know is to constantly pop pills and chemicals of any sort, from alternative medicine to Western, walks away from the path of wisdom. So, I take my vitamins/minerals, do my silver, practice my Tai-Chi, eat well, and listen to my heart and dreams for anything new that might come down the line.
So, I think it's time for me to bring this to a close. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to gab, and thanks for being interested. The silver really has been an incredible little miracle. By the way... I wish I had known about your particular little machine before I got mine. It looks like yours is a lot more user friendly. Dealing with the silver wire and alligator clips can be more of a pain than I realized at first. These gizmos take the juice, too, don't they? I saw your bigger and better version could be plugged into the wall, if I'm remembering the ad correctly. That would save a helluva lot in batteries, especially at the level I'm taking this stuff.
Well, please get back in touch with me! Any advice you have or help you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Not only that, I'd simply like to hear you, and what goes on in your head about all of this. Anyway, my fingers grow tired. Good night, happy Valentine's day (belated, by the time you get this), and I look forward to hearing from you.